Randomity: a word coined by this vintage vampire to signify her love for Randomness and anything connected to the wonderful realm of spontaneity and surprises.
This picture actually reflects how I’m feeling this week; I didn’t have a particularly good week, well, in terms of emotional stability that is. With school, everything is awfully dandy. So, wanna know why Vivi’s consciousness looks like a bloody mess? Read on.
I don’t really feel like delving into what happened during the week, so I’ll delve on what happened during this day. Let’s start on heartbreak. I’m not heartbroken in a sense that someone dumped me, I’m too hipster for that. I’m heartbroken for two reasons.
The first one is during my NSTP. I’m assigned to teach little grade III children English. I normally have two tutees, and one of them was absent last week. So, I asked her why she wasn’t present, because she was missing some important lessons.
Wala po akong pamasahe. (I can’t pay the fare going here)
Hearing those words, my heart practically broke. As a Social Democrat, I’m one who doesn’t really like seeing the Social Injustices done to those who are helpless, and it is very heartbreaking to want to do something, but you can’t at the moment. So I continue teaching, but my heart was collapsing into little fragments inside. Not only that, it was also heartbreaking to see how inferior the country’s public school system is to the private. As one who grew up in a private school, I couldn’t help but compare. We knew verbs and nouns and all that shit when I was in grade three. My students now don’t know a thing. Sad, isn’t it?
So what about the other heartbreak? Well, as far as it has happened so many freaking times, I have again found out that one of my crushes is…wait for it..
GAY.
Do you know how fucking sad that is? Well, I was already suspecting the kid of being part of the wonderful third sex, but I repressed it. He was masculine at some points, but unutterably feminine at most. I saw it coming, so it really didn’t hurt much. What hurt was my realization. All my crushes are probably one of two things.
It’s either they’re GAY or they’re assholes.
Or if they’re not any of the two, they have friends who turn them into fucked up assholes. Hi. I like Pie.
So, what about alcohol? Let’s see. I don’t really drink. Why? Because I don’t find the point. You’re practically destroying yourself just to get the fuck away from this world. Why not just jump off a high-rise instead and make it faster if you’re just trying to run away? It’s weird. And pointless. And unutterably stupid. Like smoking. What’s the deal with it, anyway?
Bars are also not my cup of tea. If I am in the mood to socialize, I’ll go for a nice cafe, instead of making my hair smell weird inside a bar. Especially ones that smell of both smoke and alcohol. Talk about deadly. Uh. Just the mere smell makes me want to vomit.
I don’t need alcohol to party. Nor do I need it to get high. I’m high on life. And I hate it when people force drinks on me, okay? It’s annoying. GTFO, I’d love to say, but yeah. I am a demure little girl. Yay.
Anyway, I see this has turned into a rant post. I’ll stop here and let ducks waddle in shallow ponds with wolves. Yay ducks.
Vivi is out!
P.S. I have a new cruuuush! =)))
Tags: Because I Blog, Crush, Heartbreak, Me, Myself and I
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