Just a little thought before I go to class and die in my orals. Hi.
Hi. I really like you. But I don’t really know if I already love you. My roommate says there’s a large possibility, because I was looking at a lot of wimpydrawings illustrations and listening to Yellowcard’s Sing for Me then I suddenly started crying. Out of no reason at all. Maybe it was the dreary rain, I really hate the rainy seasons. Or maybe…
Because I have realized that I have a guy who’d do anything to be my everything and I’m here sitting and doing nothing. And sometimes I even find myself waiting for the guy who gave me nothing but became my everything. What the fuck in hell is wrong with me. I’m over this other guy, but I still find myself looking for that feeling. The butterflies. The blush creeping up my chubby cheeks. The smile that graces my lips with his presence. Everything is gone now, for him at least. But why can’t I feel anything yet? I feel weak in the knees when you give me those sweet forehead kisses, and yes I stopped in my tracks (and my speech) when your lips practically brushed my neck. But those are my weak spots. Nothing special. You’re special. I think.
Kinda. Prolly. Maybe. There’s a large possibility that this damsel would want to just kick off the barricades on her tower and jump. Who cares if anyone catches her, anyway. If she dies, whatever. If she gets caught, then yay. But who’ll catch her? The prince charming or the Knight in Shining Armor? Or are they one and the same?
I haven’t really told you the full story of the knight and the damsel. Remember the time when I told you that the only thing the damsel wants is to break free from her tower? She could only do this by jumping and falling from the restricting structure. She’s just very scared that no one would be there to catch her. But now, she’s actually sure that once she jumps, some retard would actually be waiting there to catch her. But the thing is, she’s barricaded. And the tower is covered with thorns. The only way that the damsel would be saved is if the knight decides to climb up—despite the thorny pain—and destroy the barricades, sweep the damsel of her tiny feet and they’d jump. Together. Fall. Together.
Fuck this, I’m cheesy.
So yeah. WHY ME. WHY OF ALL THE GIRLS OUT THERE THAT WOULD PINE FOR EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY, why the hell did you pick the weirdest one. The one with the most moodswings. The one afflicted with chronic depression. The OC one. The ADHD kid. The one who’s practically a pinless hand grenade waiting to explode right on your adorable little face. Why’d you coose the one who’s hardest to amuse, who’s form of amusement include torture and pain? No, hurting you does not make me happy because it also hurts me. It does. Trust me. It hurts. Like hell.
Kind of like when they made me think of the prospect of you going away. Of finding someone else. Insert all forms of profanity here plus all the worst tantrums I ever threw in my life, it fucking hurts. The mere thought of it sent me sobbing and crying on some priest’s shoulder. You see, my main guilty fallacy is called Slippery Slope. I have always loved thinking of the worst case scenario, hence I am Ms. Darkside. It hurt when I even thought of the possibility of you going back to her. Well, she’s…I dunno. Normal? And I’m…Far from being normal. And she obviously longs for you. So…yeah. Okay I shall go sob in a corner now.
Falalalalala.
Why me? Why did you choose me? Why did you choose someone, a girl like me, despicable as hell and forever a heart breaker? Why, when there’s this girl somewhere pining for you with every fiber of her being, do you still stay with me and try your best to make me happy? Why do you still stick with me when every single time you tell me you love me, I can’t even grace it with a proper reply? That I can only grace it with a smile?
Why don’t you go out there and find a girl who’s not going to hurt you?
Except, I really think if you do that, it’s going to hurt me too. Oh fuck. Fuck. My. Fucking. Life.
Tags: Because I Blog, confusion, hi, like, Love, Vintage Vampire, Vivi
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